Well, I don't know what to tell you. I have about 10,000 words done on part 49. I have the skeleton completely mapped out, and maybe half of it is fleshed in, but the part is... Huge. It's huge. Considering I already cannibalized some of the part and posted it early, I'm just sort of gobsmacked, because I expected this to be a quick little aside to set things up for LST2 before I jaunt off into happier waters. Now, I'm actually debating whether to split this into two more parts, 49, and 50. There's so much stuff I'm trying to get into this part... I hadn't realized what a big undertaking addressing the pregnancy issue now would be. I mean, I've set up for it for the whole story, but I guess I didn't fully realize that it wouldn't be a walk in the park to write until I sat down and really started hashing it out. I feel like I'm sort of sliding down an iceberg. You start with a nice, tiny tip, and then you keep uncovering more and more and more... Ugh. Derek wants kids. Meredith... doesn't? Or, does she...? We'll find out in this next part.
I'm trying very, very hard to be respectful of the subject matter and respectful of the characters. Derek behaves a certain way. Meredith behaves another. They're hashing this issue out. Slowly, throughout the part. And it's... exhausting to write. But I want to keep it real. It wouldn't be real if Meredith said, "Yay! I might be pregnant!" As happy and fluffy as that would be? It just wouldn't happen, not at Meredith's current stage of character development, not even in LST (and, seriously, can you imagine show!Meredith doing that? Seriously?). It also wouldn't be real if Derek didn't stew a little. Derek can't be fine with this. He can't be. He's not wired that way, no matter how supportive he's trying to be.
I'm a little surprised at some of the vehement feedback on part 48. I forget how divisive some issues can be, I guess because I am almost always firmly in the gray. There's very rarely an idea you can argue to me as black or white except maybe that Dell sucks (because, really, they do). Something that's right isn't always right. Something that's wrong isn't always wrong. Circumstances are key.
[The following paragraph more than likely does not apply to you! Skip it! But I had to write it. My LJ is my soapbox. I'm soapboxing.] Getting told bluntly that making this part about a controversial issue has ruined the whole story and wasted the readers' precious time was... interesting. (Seriously?) It was an anonymous review on ffnet, so I can't really respond other than in this forum. I can't really let that one go. I just can't. (Waste your time? Seriously?) How much time do you think I spend writing this? You don't have to read, and I certainly don't have to post this for you. You're not even paying for this. It's free! Sheesh. Anyway. If you're going to concrit, fine. I love concrit. That was a flame. Learn the difference, please?
That being said, I realize that because of the POV, and because of the fact that I pulled part 48 out of what was supposed to be a cohesive unit and let it sit by itself, things might seem a little more precarious and perma-unhappy than I meant them to be.
The world through AriaAdagio-colored glasses? Part 48 was not about a controversial issue. Part 48 contained mention of a controversial issue. Am I advocating it? No. Am I saying it's wrong? No. The characters -- Meredith and Derek -- are having a discussion about their future. They're going to say the word. Abortion. I'm sorry if that offends some people. I am. But I won't censor myself either.
Part 48 and Part 49 both will be from Derek's POV. Derek is extremely biased. Derek wants kids. Derek. Wants. Kids. Who was the only one actually advocating abortion in Part 48? Derek. Not Meredith. Meredith actually seemed rather apalled at the idea. If that doesn't hint at where I'm going with this, I don't know what will beyond posting part 49, which I can't do yet, so hang in there if you're still grasping for a sliver of hope :) I really do have my reasons for doing this, and they're not sad ones. Honest! MerDer was a screwed up, busted, broken couple when I took them out of Shonda's toychest. I'm really trying to fix them, here. Really.
I'd also like to clarify something. Meredith? Not pregnant yet for sure. Maybe not pregnant at all. Not. Pregnant. Yet. There is nothing to do anything drastic about. All Meredith and Derek are doing at this point is talking. Talking! They're trying to figure out what the hell to do if she is, and they've taken what non-invasive steps they can to make sure she's not. Honestly, I'm just thrilled I got them both to the point where everyone found this to be realistic and in character :) Because, you know, talking? Not a MerDer strong point on the show.
Anyway, thank you tons for all the feedback so far. I really do appreciate it. I'm sitting in Houston right now. I should be back home on Thursday. But poor, poor SSBR will be incommunicado for a while. I'm not really sure how that will affect my posting schedule. We'll see.
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